Trans people still struggle to be recognized and treated like everyone else. Even more during pregnancy, as these trans dads tell.
Kayden Coleman is one of her trans dads still invisible to society. During her pregnancy, he saw a difference in treatment between pregnant women and pregnant men, as well as a lack of consideration.
Still, he wished his pregnancy made him feel special and loved, like other parents. Unfortunately, no one will reach out to comfort him during his pregnancy. This Houston-born dad says he feels like he missed out on “the benefits” of pregnancy, but is relieved the secret was kept because he felt more secure. “I didn’t have to walk around in fear, fearing that people would want to inflict violence on me”, he recounts. “They thought I had a beer belly. “
“I’ve been offered abortions a ridiculous number of times”
Today, he is the father of a 10 month old baby girl and a 7 year old girl. Through his story, he hopes to change mentalities and educate society, as well as the medical community, about pregnancy, childbirth and the postpartum experience as a trans person. His ultimate goal? End stereotypes trans people face in the health care setting.
The 34-year-old dad describes his two pregnancies as “very tumultuous”. “There was a lot of trauma”, he confides. “Most were from within the birthing world, with medical professionals. There were a lot of questions about my identity, a lot of misunderstandings. I was told I shouldn’t be in spaces. to seek care because they were seen as women’s spaces. I have been offered an abortion countless times. “
“Right off the bat, they have to hack into a system that has not been configured for their needs”
On the side of childminders, they say that the current medical system is not adapted to support and understand pregnant transgender people. “Pregnancy literature is directed to white, heterosexual and cisgender people”, says Ray Rachlin, certified professional midwife and founder of Refuge Midwifery in Philadelphia. “That’s what all the images and assets are for. Right off the bat, they have to hack into a system that has not been configured for their needs.”
For her, you have to start by adapting the language to trans people. Ray suggests changing the medical terms, using “perinatal care” instead of “maternity care” or to speak of “breastfeeding” instead of “breastfeeding”. “When I started, even though I was queer, I didn’t use inclusive language“, she confides. “Gender is really embedded in how we view pregnancy, birth and parenthood. I had to do a lot of learning and unlearning to take a step back.”
For this other trans and non-binary dad, certain aspects of motherhood need to be changed. “I downloaded some of these silly apps to see how the baby is growing and all of them assume the person who is the gestational parent is a woman who identifies as a mother.”, points out Davis Chandler.
“When people think that you shouldn’t have children because you are gay, it affects you”
According to one national survey on discrimination against transgender people, published in 2011, nearly one in five transgender people were refused treatment in a health facility because of their gender identity. They are also more likely than the general population to postpone medical care when they need it, either for fear of discrimination or because they cannot afford it. “A trans person is at risk of harm every time they enter a health care setting”, emphasizes Ray. According to a study, 22% of transgender and non-binary people choose to give birth at home while this practice accounts for only 1% of births in the United States.
“It takes decades for culture to change, and the medical system really reflects that culture”, says Jenna “JB” Brown, a doula in Austin, Texas. “Treating trans people in a medical setting is not taught in medical or midwifery schools.” A lack of training and skills that directly impact trans people as they find themselves ill-informed about their own bodies. “When people think that you shouldn’t have children because you’re gay, it affects you,” Kayden says.
To change society’s view on parenting and pregnancy, Kayden offers workshops on trans fertility and childbirth for childminders. We hope that mentalities will change greatly!
Suruthi SRIKUMAR
Suruthi is a writer for the Aufeminin, Parole de Mamans and Avis de Mamans websites. She is also Community Manager for Aufeminin Maman’s Facebook and Instagram social networks. She is also …