Sometimes the job stresses us, sometimes our relationship, sometimes the chaos in our apartment, sometimes the many to-dos on our list and sometimes a troublesome virus. But in all these cases the following applies: In theory, we have the choice of whether we let ourselves be stressed or not. Feelings of stress arise or grow through our attitude towards a situation and our perception of it – and sometimes, of course, due to our daily schedule and much too crowded appointments …
An example. Let us imagine that a pandemic virus is spreading, for which there is no cure and which at times brings public life almost to a standstill. Cafes have to close, as do gyms, theaters, cinemas and even schools. Such a situation has huge potential for stress. For parents who suddenly look after their children 24/7 and have to do their job on the side. For self-employed people who have to close their shops and fear for their existence. For people who work in the health system! And yes, also for people who are used to working out in the gym to find inner balance. The unusual circumstances solve a kind Alarm signal in us out that makes us feel like we have to do something and make an effort to get out of the mess and ideally reappear in normality. Problem: It's not that easy. After all, because we can all put ourselves in this emotional state, we can now imagine how we can help stressed people – and how we can't.
These words are a no-go to stressed people
What we can safely save if we don't want to stress our counterpart are phrases like:
- You should …
- You have to …
- Just do it …
In summary: Any statements that we use to tell them or to encourage them to do something. All we can do is increase their feelings of stress and confirm their idea that they have to work hard to silence their internal alarm signal.
It's better this way
But how can you talk to stressed people when advice is counterproductive? Well, so many people are studying or training as a therapist, d. H. it is not necessarily easy … But what everyone can do and do is listen – and that is actually a great help. Describing our own situation and what is stressing us helps us to distance ourselves and may not make it seem as dangerous. Sometimes we realize ourselves that there is nothing we can do to change things and that we have no choice but to take a deep breath and come to terms with it.
Those who consider themselves to be particularly sensitive and emotionally intelligent can also ask supportive, open questions such as:
- Why exactly do you feel stressed?
- What is particularly troubling for you?
- How would you feel better?
- How could you possibly relax?
With such questions you help the stressed person to reflect more deeply and to distance themselves from the stressful situation. You can also use it to direct their thoughts in a new direction.
In most cases, we can't get rid of stress by fighting it – but by letting it go.